When the Inside meets the Outside

[Rhea Dopmeijer]

When the inside meets the outside

Today is a stormy and windy day outside and it matches my inner emotions as well my need to express them. Missing my loved one today is being triggered by another first step without him. Meeting his parent who is truly heartbroken by the loss of his first born, is asking a lot of my esteem to hold the energy high and be there for him in order to acknowledge his pain and sorrow. As I mentioned yesterday Love is Love and grief is grief, no matter whom it concerns, it is always going through a process of acceptance, and allowing the emotions to be expressed as well.

This also triggered my need to hear your voice and watch you through moving images as well to bring him close by and for a moment alive visually as well. We have the knowledge and the means to share these precious moments that connects us. Or how the smell can bring back a memory of someone we love in our awareness. This is also playing a part in our process of grievance. Not just for me, for your family and our kids and grandkids as well. Each has their own connection with you, some longer than others in years expressed, yet they all have the same thing in common, their love for you.

We also reflect each other’s pain during this encounters, as well the sorrow and the physical and emotional reactions to losing you in our day to day life. It is hard to look past the months we had with each other where you had to fight against the impact and effect the dis-ease had on your whole being. It is hard to watch someone we love to battle with the loss of abilities in so many areas of your life. By remembering these past months it is also part of our own process in order to deal with the upcoming ending that is at hand, for we knew that it would come for sure. Praying for you that it would be smooth and without suffering. Yet somehow, it was one step at a time each layer you shed.

There will be a time, I can see past the illness and pain this letting go caused you and how much love we shared amongst each other during these days. Persisting in taking it as it comes, every day grateful for another brand new day with new opportunities to express our love. In that spirit I am taking my days without your physical presence one day at a time. No pressure on my own process in letting you go in order to enable what comes front row. Feeling nauseous thinking about the time that lies ahead, tells me a lot of the importance to stay close to my heart and trust our inner and deepest Love connection.

It also shows how important it is to stay in the now moment, not looking passed the end of the day, or passed this moment I am writing about what is going on inside me. For there are tears, shedding in the loss of your presence, your arms around me, holding me close and hugging me with that big hug you gave me. The hug you weren’t able to share at the end, the intimate moments we shared in such a different way caused by your physical ailment. Yet never felt your love stronger than during our last months we had with each other, carried by the unconditional love we felt on the deepest level of our inner being as one moving organism. 

My inner world is not yet aligned with the outer world, for there I will not find you and there I am missing you and feeling the hurt and the sorrow. Yet every time I focus on my inner connection between you and me in my inner heart, there you are. So much a part of my life and my existence, transcending every experience. I know you will always shine your love in every step of the way. 

One day my inner and outer world will feel as One. Till then I will find you where you always have been. In my heart, in my moments shared with our children and grandchildren, our family and friends. In every memory we share with each other through our love for you inner connected and bonding in reunion. So much love that it will always heal every wound, every tear will be dried and you will always hold me in your loving grasp, your arms will always hold me in your loving hugs.

And so it will be

High Self @RheaDopmeijer ©
Heartfelt Messages 29-3-2016