How to use assistance to benefit both parties

[Rhea Dopmeijer]

How to use the aid of others in our own benefit as well theirs

When you have been in the situation you have to rely on the help and assistance of others around us in our day to day routine, it speaks for itself how hard it is at times. Nobody wants to be depending on help with the things we already learned as kids. Even then we struggled with getting dressed in the right order. Or how to put on a pair of pants, a sweater or just your underwear.

Who invented these systems to tie up your shoes, or button up a shirt? As a toddler all new stuff to learn, next to learning to crawl, standing up, speech and using a children’s potty. Before that time we relied on the care of our parents, or other adults, to take care of diapers. That is in a situation you were lucky enough to have caretakers to teach you how to grow up. Not just physically, also emotionally and mentally.

It is even harder when you have to deal with a disability where you are dependent on the care of others. You could speak of a team effort when there are more caretakers coming around every day. I am speaking from a situation at home, not in a hospital or other facility. There are so many layers that are to be discovered already. It all comes down to the way you are able to ask for assistance and willingness to accept.

The different energies that come to my home every day are also part of my team so to speak. It is up to me to create the best environment for the caretakers to feel at ease and at home when they enter my personal space. The best way to make this a win-win situation for both parties involved

Being dependent on the assistance is touching a core issue within. It is always connected to the emotional state as well physical well-being. Losing control of self-support is not an easy thing to deal with. When pain and physical disability is cause for the assistance, it is also something that sets the balance of emotional state of scale most of the times. It takes time to get your head around it.

As well the strength and courage it takes to accept the challenge willingly. So how can the interaction between the caretakers and yourself benefit both parties involved. There is a fine line in the relationship between the one who is giving care and the one receiving. Sometimes we can come across old barriers and boundaries when we are depending on the attitude and intention of the other person.

We all have our own issues and agenda at times to work with. We bring ourselves into every situation and relationship. For being a caretaker it is not just about be paid for the job, it is always about respect and honoring the authenticity of the other person. Regardless what kind of disability they have. Yet it always starts within and there is where this need of win-win comes in.

Being dependent doesn’t mean you are less or lesser worth. It just means you need a hand and some assistance. Old traditional ways can get in the way as well religions when they are not been seen in the same way. Yet in order to create a win-win situation for both, it takes commitment as well intentions to bring in the best of ourselves in this situation.

Sometimes we can come across people who don’t seem to understand our personality or character, other times we will meet up with the ones that can meet up effortlessly. So how to balance this out without being triggered all the time. Because if you have issues about understanding and being seen or heard, no doubt you will come across some people who will trigger this.

There is the fine line about boundaries as well, because sometimes the assistance can be very personal and intimate. Then there is more and more need of compassion and understanding and a pair of loving hands. Together we create our team around ourselves within our homes.

When we have a real interest in our caretakers, ready to getting to know them and start a personal relationship, it will pay off. Some will be more open than others, some will be too busy to even notice, and others are going to sit with you and share their life stories as well.

It takes 2 to tango, as it has been said. I believe this to be true, yet we always have our own responsibility to make sure the other one is willing to be a partner during the dance. We can create the surroundings and openness in order to be inviting and not just needy. Think about the way you want to be treated and then treat the other accordingly. Will this affect each other, yes it will.

Because as you are living your day to day life from the heart and accepting the presence and energy of those you are depending on, the other one will always respond to this. Energy has its way to come back at you. Positive as well negativity has its own effects on the way you can be in a relationship, that is trust worthy as well safe.

Safe to be held, safe to be taken care of, for that is the first priority when you are depending on someone else. Co-creating a safe and welcome environment for both parties will enable you to surrender to the care, without shame or sense of harm. Nothing will be intervening that way in a negative outcome when you both are on an equal and respectful exchange of energy.

You don’t have to be close to everyone in the same way, nor is it of the essence to know the life story. Yet confirmation will allow the energy to flow between the two partners in that moment. Understanding is another aspect as well allowing. Each interaction is colored by the way the energy can flow, so when you team up there is the intent to create a win-win situation, comfortable for both.

Because that’s all we need, to be held and taken care of when we are being vulnerable, depending on others. Safe and sound, in caring hands. Appreciation can be given freely and will return tenfold. Create the setting so you can benefit both, in loving connection and exchange.

So it will be

High Self @RheaDopmeijer ©