ometimes you go along on this spiritual path and think, how much more releasing and healing is there to do here? I’ve been doing this for years! Haven’t I cleared and cleared everything, what else could be left? I can’t think of what else needs to be healed. Then you get hit between the eyes with insight.
That was me.
My ex son-in-law got remarried in a beautiful church wedding to a beautiful young girl over Christmas. Talk about triggers. All kinds of them exploded in me. He left my daughter and their kids, found a younger girl who actually loves him, and married her in another church wedding like my daughter’s wedding. With my favorite color as the theme. Which I then stalked on Facebook so I could see the pictures.
So, my daughter’s love wasn’t enough for him? His kids didn’t mean enough to him? Our family wasn’t enough for him? She’s so pretty, what does she see in this critical, unhappy man? He doesn’t deserve to be happy after what he did. Why should he get to be happy when my daughter is not? They spoiled my favorite color. On and on went the inner conversations about him.
Oh boy. Doesn’t that sound spiritual and high-minded?
But looking at the pictures, I realised she looks so in love with him. He is actually smiling at her like he loves her. I’m not sure I ever saw that look aimed at my daughter. Even in their wedding photos.
I had a real aha moment as I looked at that picture. They are happy. I really can’t begrudge joy.
It made me stop and go deep within because I realised here is an area of unforgiveness in me that I hadn’t yet addressed. Here is an area in me that is not pleasant to look upon. Here is a dark corner of icky. Why is it easier to forgive those who hurt you than it is to forgive those who hurt your babies?
I had to do some serious self talk to find a new way to look at this situation. And to forgive and let go of the bitterness. I can’t be all I want to be if I harbor these feelings about someone.
Here is a bit of how it went: He is no longer a part of my life and will never be. His life is his life. His choices are his to make and live with, not mine. He was always angry and critical and I no longer have to be a part of that. His new wife will be the one to live with all that he puts out, not me. That part of my life was a learning experience and it’s time to own the wisdom and let the experience go. He hurt my daughter and grandson, and they experienced it, it’s part of their learning.
They chose this part of their lives when they planned it before they incarnated. As did he. I can love and hold space for my family while they choose their way from now on. He actually did my daughter and the kids a favor by leaving so that they are not in a constant state of tension anymore. I thank the new girl for taking him off of our hands. She is good to the kids and provides a buffer between them and their father. I have my own new things to experience. My attention needs to remain with myself so I will stay in my own energy and mind my own business. His new life has no bearing on mine, happy or otherwise.
Finally I got to, I am happy he found some happiness. I am happy his new wife is happy. I can let go of the bitterness and let it be. What is, IS. I forgive myself for feeling so mean about him and forgive him for all the unkindness he expressed. He’s got his own issues that are his to handle. From this point on, I choose to let go of my resistance to this fact of life, that he has moved on to a new phase without his first family. Everyone is much happier, more at peace, and better off separate. It’s a good thing he is happy, that means he is not expressing negativity to the kids or his ex-wife. Happy is a preferred state!
I forgive myself. I forgive him. I forgive her. I am moving on. I cut that cord of bitterness and watch it snap. I send all his energy still connected to me back to him and call back all my own energy that he might be holding onto. I wish him well.
Done. Deep breath in. Exhale. Feeling much lighter.
Angela here........I wanted to share this article because it was almost to the T a situation I have experienced and still am somewhat-I'm honest with myself about that-if we're not honest we can't work on those parts that keep us from moving higher. The story is a bit different. I read it and knew it was for me-I'm posting my personal issue as well just like the person who wrote this in hopes it will help someone else.
Here it goes-My ex-husband re- married a few months ago. When he and I got married we were way to young. We had a large wedding. We stayed married 4 years and had 2 daughters together. I was unhappy. My ex changed right after we were married. We struggled because our kids were sick and allergic to everything. I had to switch everything-cloth diapers, made their own food, all cotton clothes and only all natural products. Needless to say that cost a lot of money. I remarried a man I've known over 20 years in 2009-my ex and I had been divorced for 14 years. We just went to the courthouse and did it. No reception-no friends to invite or family. Our three girls were there. Well, my ex and I don't even speak-he's done some not so nice things and lost rights to our children-as the story above talked about-when it comes to your kids-you get angry. There were many people and things he had my girls around that he should've known better but he didn't. His family also did some pretty questionable things with my daughters as well. So-I was angry-took him to court and got my children out of the situation. Both are now over the age of 18 so it no longer applies. My ex moved in and out several females who were not in ideal professions for 2 girls to look up to and most had addiction issue's-.Bitterness/rage was really eating at me-I was asking for help and turned to all spiritual aspects,tools that I could. My ex ended up with a woman 10 years older than him who wasn't even divorced yet. She figured out how to make our lives hell. My ex had told so many stories to people that were complete lies and he lied to her as well-but she'll find out what he is about soon enough or there could be a mirroring going on. They are alike in so many ways-As the story above went-she didn't know what she was getting into with her new husband. Needless to say my daughters had their hearts broke because they didn't like the new girlfriend -dad ignored them and he just had right restored. So-I had an invitation sent to me-a very nice one-new it was expensive and a pre-wedding reminder picture sent to us too-just being catty. I could not understand why I was such a threat. The wedding was a huge wedding with tons of people and it was expensive.
She wanted my daughters to be in it-both were not talking to their father-the oldest one lied and had started to talk to him again. The oldest was in the wedding and all along misleading and lying to us. I got to hear that news along with her sister through a mutual friend at school. They have re-done the entire house-he bought 2 Harley's and he is putting her through college which he refused to do with his own daughters and is behind on child support. I was told by my daughter they got married because both didn't want to die alone or be alone the rest of their lives.Through all this I was aware that my thoughts and emotions were not in check. I knew I had some issues to still work on. I also as the story above went through the thoughts of-we decided this before we came here. This is what is supposed to happen. This helped with my bitterness I also figured out I had several things that money or things cannot replace-I had no regrets because I saw my daughter's grow up and didn't miss a thing. I got to stay at home with them until they started school. They saw a strong woman and I taught them what I knew from my experiences-he didn't do any of this. He if anything showed them how to not act.He also has lost his youngest daughter-it's been a year since she has communicated with him and doesn't want to. I also had another thing-I married my husband because I loved him and knew everything about him bad and good-they don't have that. I showed my girl's that this is how a relationship works. There is much more to my story but I'm letting this go here because it's no longer my story. I figured out what I had been looking for with my spiritual side right after they married-Divine Order-started raising my vibration and work on it daily-then all this other junk will fall/and is slowly falling away. I also learned too that if you see problems, think something is unfair, and just don't see the Divine-THE DIVINE IS NOT DONE YET. Now I just look at it all as a huge experience......one pre-planned and I learned a lot and found all I was looking for to shift:)A happy ending for everyone-I wish them the best of luck. Thank You all for reading this and I hope this will inspire others to share their stories so that they can help others as well. It was hard for me to expose my life-but if it helps at least one person who read both of these stories -I'm happy!