SELF-AWARENESS AS DISTINGUISHED FROM EGO-CONSCIOUSNESS

[Ms Tercy Lonan]

7. SELF-AWARENESS AS DISTINGUISHED FROM EGO-CONSCIOUSNESS
As you sit in Gurudev’s vicinity, proximate to him, what do you pray for, what do you ask
for from the Divine Presence in which you are? What do you ask for from the indwelling Divinity
which is always with you, to which there is no question of distance or proximity? It is always near
you, ever by your side.

In the proximity of Bhagavan Sri Krishna, Arjuna asked: “sishyas te’ham sadhi mam tvam
prapannam (I am Thy disciple. Instruct me who have taken refuge in Thee).” Lord Krishna told him
that in the proximity of enlightened and illumined divinity one should give reverence, serve and
seek to know, be a jijnasu. A jijnasu is one who is in quest of knowledge.
A quest for knowledge arises when I feel that my present knowledge is inadequate, and,
therefore, I wish to know, I wish to make my knowledge full. This feeling that my knowledge is
inadequate can only come if there is a basic simplicity and humility in one’s nature. If there is
self-sufficiency, if there is a self-sufficient ego-consciousness, it is an obstacle to such seeking, it is
contrary to such seeking.
Gurudev used to say: “If a thirsty person wants to drink from a tap, he has to bend low.
Therefore, if you want to have knowledge, you must accept your inadequacies, be humble and
lower your self-sufficient ego-consciousness.” Thus Arjuna was told to pay reverence to the master,
serve him, and then seek to know, ask with humility. This then is the process of receiving
knowledge, illumination.
Egoistical consciousness is one thing, self-awareness is another. Self-awareness, an
awakened awareness is desirable. Egoistical consciousness is not desirable; it is an obstacle. One
must distinguish between them. Arjuna became a seeker when he became self-aware. He knew that
he was in a very bad situation. As a prince in charge of an army, he had a certain duty, svadharma.
He became aware that he was in a deplorable state, and so in that state of awareness of his true
psychological condition, he pleads with Lord Krishna: “Show me the way, I am confused. I do not
know, Master.”
So, this is self-awareness. He was aware of himself as one who had proved weak at a time
when strength was needed. He was aware of himself as one whose knowledge was inadequate. He
was aware of himself, therefore, as one who needed to be told and guided. Therefore, he was aware
of himself as a disciple.
A disciple-consciousness is also a certain ego. But, nevertheless, it is not an assertive,
rajasic ego-consciousness. It is an awareness within. Without individualistic ego-consciousness, he
was aware within himself of a condition, of a need. Thus, in this state of awareness, he was able to
approach Lord Krishna.
The Upanishads say: “uttishthata, arise,” and then they say, “jagrata, awake.” Why did
they not say, “jagrata, uttishthata”? Because uttishthata symbolises the shaking off of tamas and
jagrata means to be awake, aware, awakened—a state of sattva. And at the very beginning of the
Gita, Lord Krishna says to Arjuna: “kshudram hridayadaurbalyam tyaktvottishtha parantapa (Cast
off this mean weakness of the heart. Stand up, O scorcher of the foes). Therefore, He repeats the
Upanishadic call of uttishthata—stand up.
At the very end of the Gita, Arjuna gives us the key to what our response should be to this
Upanishadic call: “sthitosmi...karishye vachanam tava (I am firm...I will act according to Thy
word).” That should be your response. “I have shaken off tamas. I am now in a state of jagriti,

because I have awakened to the truth of things. I am now in a state of inner awareness. I will carry
out Thy word.”
So, this inner state of jagriti is the keynote to successful spiritual life—to always be in a
constant inner state of jagriti, wakefulness, no matter where you are. It ensures a certain state of
mind: “If I amalways aware that I have attained the lofty status of a manava—a thinking, reasoning
animal—then I must base my life on rationality, think before I do something, and select that which
is noble, which is good, sreyas. I must try to be an ideal human being and not give way to animal
propensities. I must put this status to the highest and best use, and thus benefit myself and benefit
humanity.” This awareness itself becomes an urge for striving for perfection, an urge towards
idealism.
This awareness is not egoistic. It is a non-egoistical self-awareness. If, for example, one is
always conscious that one is a Brahmin, then this awareness, if filled with sattva, will not bring
about caste superiority; but, on the contrary, it will always keep you alert and aware. It will always
keep you on the right path: “I am a Brahmin. Therefore, I cannot do anything that is against the
ideals and dharma (the duties) of a Brahmin.” So this awareness conduces to evolution, to progress,
towards idealism, to becoming higher and better day by day.
This self-awareness, therefore, is not egoism. It is an ingredient that is essential for progress.
It is jagriti. It keeps one awake within. It is a response to the Upanishadic call, jagrata. And this
awareness which gives us an urge to be ideal is coupled with a humble knowledge, “I am a Brahmin,
but I know that I am not a perfect Brahmin. I have got a lot to do. I have many drawbacks, many
imperfections, many weaknesses which I must try to get rid of and thus be a true Brahmin.”
It is the same with a spiritual aspirant. If one’s self-awareness is sattvic, one is also
conscious, “I am a spiritual aspirant, but not an ideal one. I must constantly improve myself,
become better day by day.” So this awareness, because it is sattvic, is always coupled with humility.
Awareness of one’s imperfections, therefore, fills one with an urge to strive for better and better
levels of being and doing.
We are not touching upon the higher spiritual dimension of your divinity: awareness that
you are divine, ever awake to your divine destiny. Even where we are, in whatever field we are
living our life, awareness upon that level is necessary—awareness of one’s being a student, being a
seeker, being a grihastha, being a sannyasi, being a disciple. All these awarenesses, even upon a
comparatively lesser level of life, are desirable. As a matter of fact, they are preliminary states of
awareness that may ultimately lead us to become aware, awake upon a higher dimension, a higher
plane of our essential divinity. That can wait until we fulfil our task of evolution in self-perfection
upon the lesser levels of being.
For, if we consciously practice awareness now, wakefulness now, it will naturally lead us
ultimately to that state of awareness and wakefulness upon the higher divine dimension of our
essential spiritual nature. That will follow as a matter of course; therefore, it can wait.
Top priority should be given to wakefulness and self-awareness as we are, where we are.
That is the key to evolution, the key to progress, to a steady, upward ascent of our personality. God

bless you all! God make you liberate yourself from tamas and be awake! God make you aware and
keep a continuous wakefulness within