DIE TO LIVE

[Ms Tercy Lonan]

14. DIE TO LIVE
Worshipful homage to the Reality that is everywhere, at all times, in all Its fullness— within
and without, above, below and all around us, the one and only Truth that abides
unchangingly—which is the cause, origin and source of countless millions and billions of universes
that manifest forth from within It, exist within It, and are absorbed back into It.
We say It. That Being is neither He, nor She, nor It. Our ancients said that that Being is not
this; It is That. And finding a flaw in even this reference to that Being, the great Dakshinamurti
chose not to utter any words.
What can the river know about the immeasurability, the limitlessness, the boundlessness of
the ocean, until at long last it ceases to be a river and becomes the ocean. Then alone, when it has
lost its riverness, does immeasurability, limitlessness and boundlessness become meaningful to
what was once a river—meaningful not as a concept, but as experience. Immeasurability
experiences itself as immeasurability; limitlessness experiences limitlessness and boundlessness
experiences boundlessness.
For there is no other to communicate experience, for there is no river. “I did not know
before, but now I know.” To state this, there is no longer any river. That is why Gurudev used to oft
quote that very significant sentence: “Then shall I be free, when I shall cease to be.”
When one has ceased to be, there is no question of trying to explain, of telling someone else,
because there is no someone else to tell, and there is no someone to tell it. There is the ever-abiding
Reality that is everywhere present in all Its fullness, within and without, interpenetrating every cell
of your being.
However, as long as one is dear to oneself, cherishes oneself and gives tremendous
importance to oneself, then so long one is a slave to oneself, is bound by oneself, has to suffer
oneself and carry the burden of oneself. It is when one is prepared to offer oneself that the burden is
lifted, the prison house is no more. Then alone one is no longer a slave, but one is free. One no
longer has to suffer oneself. In that state, when one no longer suffers oneself, there is peace, there is
joy.
If there was ever one thing that was vibrantly, vitally present in the heart of Swami
Sivananda, it was that all of you may break free from the shackles of the delusion that you are
bound, that you are finite and imperfect, that you have sorrows and griefs, pains and sufferings, that
you have to overcome restlessness, agitation and troubles. He wanted you to overcome this
delusion and know and feel and experience that within you there is hidden light, within you is
hidden God, within you is Immortal Soul, within you is ocean of bliss, within you is fountain of joy.
Gurudev said: “Kill this little ‘I’. Die to live. Lead the divine life.” For the great “I” has no
problem. Your real “I” has no problem. Nija svarupa (one’s own true nature) is bliss. Nija svarupa
is peace. Nija svarupa is the Light of lights beyond all darkness. It is the little “I” that is all that this
earth plane connotes and denotes. Always, for all times, there is sorrow for the little “I”: janma,
mrityu, jara, vyadhi, duhkha (birth, death, old age, disease, pain).

So, Gurudev wanted us to lead a divine life, which naturally implies leading a life of joy,
leading a life where the ego has been once and for all put out, snuffed out, given a safe burial; and
you shine with the effulgence of your own real identity. When he sang, “Within you is hidden God,
within you is Immortal Soul, within you is ocean of bliss, within you is fountain of joy. Kill this
little ‘I’. Die to live. Lead the divine life,” he meant that unless and until you kill this little “I”,
unless and until you die to live, leading of the divine life will be a far cry.
Therefore, to lead the divine life it is necessary for us to pay attention to this sadhana of
rising above the little “I” and being the real “I”. It is necessary for one to awaken to the awareness
that unless and until I engage myself in annihilating myself, the false self, perhaps all my ideas of
leading a divine life is so much will-o’-the-wisp, a phantasmagoria. For this is of the essence: When
I am there, You are not there. If You are to be there, I have to quit.
Kabir said: “Prem ki gali ati sankari, isme do na samai (The path of love is very narrow;
here two cannot enter).” Only one Being can occupy the lane of love that leads to bliss beyond all
sorrow. Thus we must awaken to the fact that leading a divine life is impossible unless one ceases to
be. It is the highest good, it is the supreme blessedness, because it is only when you cease to be that
you really ARE. Until you cease to be, you really are NOT.
So help me God that I may share with you this light, which is difficult to perceive, for it is
not any earthly light. It is a light which shines when there is no other light, when there is darkness. In
the darkness, the only light that shines is an awakened consciousness which does not illumine
anything outside, but it illumines your own Self, it illumines the interior.
You may be surrounded by pitch darkness, but you will be shining within if you have
awakened to this light of seeing clearly the truth that the way to bliss lies through non-being—by
which alone true Being, which is eternally there, becomes experienced. In non-being is the Being
known. And so long as you have not recognised this and embraced non-being, so long as you have
not decided to annihilate the little “I”, so long the Being will ever be the unknown.
Therefore, may the supreme, eternal, radiant Brahman and beloved and worshipful Holy
Master bless us that we may all recognise the need, the importance, the indispensable necessity of
awakening the Light within, of banishing the darkness of the little “I”, which is the prolific source
of all problems, all sorrow, all troubles, all vexations. May they bless us and grace us that we may
arouse the inner Light Divine and make ourselves shining centres of that great Light of lights
beyond all darkness.
“I am in the Light. The Light is within me.” The mystic did not stop with these two lines, but
added the third and most important one: “I am the Light.” May we all have the aspiration and urge to
ponder this great truth, to ever deeply reflect and dwell upon this great truth and crown ourselves
with blessedness, not in the distant future, but today, this hour, at this moment!