ASK YOURSELF A PLAIN QUESTION

[Ms Tercy Lonan]

58. ASK YOURSELF A PLAIN QUESTION
Just think for awhile. Suppose you are alone—maybe on the banks of the Ganga or walking
in the jungle or in the silence of your own room—and you put yourself a plain question: “What
exactly am I? Am I an extrovert or an introvert? Am I a self-controlled person or a self-indulgent
person? Am I a well-wisher of all beings or do I have negative intentions and motivations towards
others? Am I a paropakari, putting the good, happiness and welfare of others before myself, or do I
habitually look after my own interests first? Of course, I try to do good to others, but that is my
second consideration, not my first one. If I refer to the Gita, am I of a daivi or asuri temperament? Is
my disposition sattvic, rajasic or tamasic? What exactly am I?”
Have you ever thus queried yourself about yourself and tried to come to some
understanding, some definition, some opinion about yourself—impartially, frankly, in an objective,
impersonal manner? Only if you do this will you know if your actions are genuine, real, or just sort
of an appearance put on. Because it is not difficult to deceive ourselves, for there is a faculty within
us called fancy which can lead us to believe something about ourselves which is far from the truth.
Let us be charitable. We are not hypocrites. We are not deliberately wanting to deceive
anyone or are we pretending on purpose. Unconsciously we are all on our own little ego-trips.
Every day we are upon the launching pad and we fire off the rocket. We want to go up high above
and be something unique. If your ego-trip is harmless and just makes you feel good, one can be
tolerant and say that that is okay. God does not hold it against you, nor does maya or the law of
karma hold it against you. But unfortunately, most of these ego-trips are very dire. They are not
innocuous, harmless. They are not just in the subjective realm of our own fancy about ourselves.
Many of these ego-trips are terrible sources of suffering to others. They can even be such
terrible sources of mental torture that the person who is a victim, who is on the receiving end, may
commit suicide. And all the while the person who is the source of this terrible torture does not at all
think that they have done anything wrong. Because we do not see or experience ourselves as others
see or experience us.
Therefore it is important to ask: What is my real disposition, totally devoid and shorn of all
pretensions? How am I disposed in my silent inwardness, unknown to others? Unless we ask these
questions, which Gurudev has urged us to do each day, we will be to a large extent strangers to
ourselves. For our mind is outward going; it knows and observes things outside, but is a stranger to
our inside world.

Therefore, what is our essential disposition? And what ought to be our essential disposition?
It ought to be a thing of joy and beauty forever. It ought to be a prolific source of unending good to
others. It ought to be satyam, sivam, sundaram (truthful, auspicious, beautiful). What ought to be
our essential disposition? The simple answer to this question can also be found in our ancient
wisdom heritage where they have declared that our real essential nature is no other than that
supreme, transcendental, all-full, all-perfect, all-beautiful Being. We are as invariably,
inextricably, inseparably related to It as a leaf to a tree, as a ray to the sun, as a wave to the ocean, as
a note to a symphony.
Well, now you know what your disposition ought to be, what your thoughts, speech and
actions should be if they are to be genuine, true, real—not an abnormality or aberration. Your real
essential nature is no more, no less than God. Divinity is your real essential nature. This is enough to
tell you how you should live; it is the sure unerring signpost on the road to your divine destiny.
Thus, Blessed Divinities, hold on to your real essential nature. Then your disposition will
take care of itself. It must take care of itself. If you constantly strive to root yourself in your real
essential nature then your disposition will automatically be what it should be. You will be a thing of
beauty and joy forever. You will be a true, noble representative of God on earth. That is your
mission.
You can do it. You must do it. That indeed is real sadhana—ever being rooted, aware of,
and manifesting your real essential nature. Your sadhana need not be confined to one place, one
asana, one altar, one corner of your room. It requires none of these trappings. At all times, wherever
you are, this sadhana goes on. It is a spontaneous, ongoing sadhana of living your life as it ought to
be lived, as God made you to live it.
If this sadhana goes on side by side with your specific personal sadhana then who can come
in the way of your attaining perfection and liberation in this very life? No one can. You have
deserved it and it is yours.